I found this sweet garbage throne on a pile of trash next to the elevator in my old building. Who walks past something like this? It’s no video rocker but it’s comfortable in an “I need to sit somewhere where there’s no chance of me falling asleep” sort of way. But most importantly, it doubles as a security system. You never know when some street rat is going to break into your place and you’re going to have to defend your subterranean garbage lair by blasting him in the chops with a folding steel chair.
We’re built for sweater weather. But in this extreme summertime heat, we’re both looking to get a little much-needed ventilation downstairs. What’s a Garbage Lifer to do? Why you take those long pants and make them into short pants is what you do. We considered saving a couple bucks and sawing ours off with a broken bottle, but we splurged for a pair of scissors from the art store down the street. I know, spoiled. She’s worth it.
We went on a date yesterday in Manhattan, which - because we live in Park Slope, the land of the dreamers and babymakers - meant a 2 hour journey home in 150 degree subway stations and trains without air conditioning.
We don’t have air conditioning at home, either, so we couldn’t exactly cool off just by walking into our apartment. But we put our sweaty heads together and came up with the idea of sticking our feet into some ice-cold water in our dirty bathtub.
Bam. Instant spa!
We found a big pile of books in the trash when we stepped outside yesterday! We got Snow Falling on Cedars, which I think is about Tobey McGuire crying in a cabin (hey, I’m really good at describing stuff, huh? Cross promotion!). That’s even one that people have heard of! And we got a can of tennis balls for the dog we’re dogsitting this week. I can’t wait until we throw this crap back into the trash and the next person to find them thinks we’re a couple who lives a life of leisure, reading paperbacks and playing pickup games of squash down at the club.
We found this baby on someone’s fence up the street. Don’t worry guys, when you find filthy garbage treasure on your way to Manhattan to have a big adventure, you can always stick it in your girlfriend’s purse to keep it safe until you get home!
We may have entry level jobs where we make dick, but when you’re living the Garbage Life, every sidewalk is your own personal Crate & Barrel. I picked up this little guy on a trip to the bodega. It’s an owl on a piece of wood. His name is Doctor Owlbert Hootsworth and he is highly judgmental. He lives over our microwave.
Garbage Air Conditioning
For real, we found an air conditioner in the garbage! We had to buy a few supplies to get it set up in our room, but before we knew it, it was blasting a lukewarm breeze into the air and water all over our floor. A fellow garbage lifer found it in our garbage later that night. Circle of life.